There often comes a time in a
relationship where life in the bedroom becomes stagnant or even dormant. The
older women become the more conscious they become of the changes in their
bodies. In both partners, sex changes and evolves. Desire is a complex and dynamic construct associated with many factors
including environment, genetics, hormones, brain chemistry, sexual history,
psychological well-being, physical health, and more.
Here are a few tips
to “go with the flow” and continue to have a great sex life.
1. Let go of outdated gender expectations. Some Victorian-era beliefs about sex still
linger in our collective unconscious, like the double standard that a man who
enjoys sex is a player while a woman who enjoys sex is branded as a slut. Women
used to be told by their doctors to not have sex after a certain age, but we
are now finding out women actually become more sexual after their childbearing
years. A sex drive is an incredibly powerful energetic gift to be embraced.
2. Start again. If you've
been in a relationship for many years, you pretty much know what turns you on -
but will have forgotten to change the formula. Men and women change,
physically, emotionally and mentally. Be open to know ideas and trying new
things. Talk about what you want, what you'd like, get more adept at expressing
it. And ask your partner to talk about what he wants as well.
3. Practice honest sexual communication. Openly talking about sex may be difficult
for some who have been conditioned to feel shame and embarrassment about sexual
desires and bodies. If you are struggling with sexual communication, or if your
partner does not listen, this might be an indicator of problems to come. Be
honest and hold the space for open dialogue by remaining emotionally grounded,
calm and non-reactive. Respect each other’s needs by listening and
acknowledging, and agree to make mutual satisfaction and sexual fulfillment
your main goals.
4. Love yourself. Try to exercise regularly to improve health,
appetite and sleeping problems. Try relaxation
techniques with yoga and meditation. Focus on loving yourself and feeling gratitude for
your sexual body and all the joy it can bring you. Remember, you are beautiful
and your sexuality is a divine, sacred blessing.
5. Have some fun with role play. It can be
something as simple as meeting in a pub pretending not to know each other. Take on new personae. You can be anyone - someone from
the other side of the world, someone who has run away to join a circus, whoever
you want. And you'll be spinning a complete story, but your unconscious will be
coming out too. And you'll be learning to play again. Forgetting how to have
fun is the death-knell to many a long-term sex life.
6. Make your love life a priority. Sex is a
sacred spiritual act as much as it is a physical and emotional one. Communication
and commitment are perhaps the most important factors to maintain the balance
of sex and love. "The real secrets here are communication and
commitment," says sexual psychotherapist, Paula Hall. "You've both
got busy lives, you're up to your neck in kids and their needs, and you've
stopped prioritizing your sex lives. By committing to sex, you're making a
really important statement to your partner. "
