There often comes a time in a relationship where life in the bedroom becomes stagnant or even dormant. The older women become the more conscious they become of the changes in their bodies. In both partners, sex changes and evolves. Desire is a complex and dynamic construct associated with many factors including environment, genetics, hormones, brain chemistry, sexual history, psychological well-being, physical health, and more.
Here are a few tips to “go with the flow” and continue to have a great sex life.
1. Let go of outdated gender expectations. Some Victorian-era beliefs about sex still linger in our collective unconscious, like the double standard that a man who enjoys sex is a player while a woman who enjoys sex is branded as a slut. Women used to be told by their doctors to not have sex after a certain age, but we are now finding out women actually become more sexual after their childbearing years. A sex drive is an incredibly powerful energetic gift to be embraced.
2. Start again. If you've been in a relationship for many years, you pretty much know what turns you on - but will have forgotten to change the formula. Men and women change, physically, emotionally and mentally. Be open to know ideas and trying new things. Talk about what you want, what you'd like, get more adept at expressing it. And ask your partner to talk about what he wants as well.
3. Practice honest sexual communication. Openly talking about sex may be difficult for some who have been conditioned to feel shame and embarrassment about sexual desires and bodies. If you are struggling with sexual communication, or if your partner does not listen, this might be an indicator of problems to come. Be honest and hold the space for open dialogue by remaining emotionally grounded, calm and non-reactive. Respect each other’s needs by listening and acknowledging, and agree to make mutual satisfaction and sexual fulfillment your main goals.
4. Love yourself. Try to exercise regularly to improve health, appetite and sleeping problems. Try relaxation techniques with yoga and meditation. Focus on loving yourself and feeling gratitude for your sexual body and all the joy it can bring you. Remember, you are beautiful and your sexuality is a divine, sacred blessing.
5. Have some fun with role play. It can be something as simple as meeting in a pub pretending not to know each other. Take on new personae. You can be anyone - someone from the other side of the world, someone who has run away to join a circus, whoever you want. And you'll be spinning a complete story, but your unconscious will be coming out too. And you'll be learning to play again. Forgetting how to have fun is the death-knell to many a long-term sex life.
6. Make your love life a priority. Sex is a sacred spiritual act as much as it is a physical and emotional one. Communication and commitment are perhaps the most important factors to maintain the balance of sex and love. "The real secrets here are communication and commitment," says sexual psychotherapist, Paula Hall. "You've both got busy lives, you're up to your neck in kids and their needs, and you've stopped prioritizing your sex lives. By committing to sex, you're making a really important statement to your partner. "