Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Things you should know if you are acquainted with a writer

(Yes, this is borrowed.)


1. It's not that I'm anti-social. It's just that I'm currently writing at least three books in my head. It's hard to mentally outline and talk at the same time.

2. I'm not staring at your ear because I'm a stalker with a weird fetish. You just did something that gave me an idea for my WIP.


3. I'm not talking to myself. I'm PLOTTING.

4. You mangled the spelling of that word and yes, it will eat at me FOR HOURS.

5. Please don't reference any mainstream, highly successful novels unless you know for sure that they are free of typos and weak writing. And make sure there are no adverbs in it. Otherwise, you'll set off a literary hissy fit of epic proportions.

6. James Patterson is the Antichrist. Don't ask me why. Because I'll tell you. Ad nauseum.

7. IT IS NOT A F***ING HOBBY!

8. Yes, I'm neurotic. I'm a writer, duh.
When have you ever met a sane writer?





9. Meet my delicate artist ego. Stroke it. Praise it. It will purr for you. Then it will cry. Then it will accuse you of being disingenuous. Then it will tell you to go to hell. Then it will beg you to like it. Then it will be aloof. Then it will curl itself into the fetal position and suck its thumb until you stroke it again.




10. Don't ask where I get my story ideas. How the crap should I know? It's not like I have a storage locker....



I LOVE BEING A WRITER!

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