Humpday Help - All About Love

A city boy wanted to marry a country girl. She insists that he has to ask her father for her hand in marriage. So off he goes to their farm to ask her father. "I want to marry your daughter".

"Well, my boy you will have to prove to me that you are a man worthy of my daughter."

"I'll do anything for my love" says the young man.

"You see that cow out in the pasture? Well go screw it."

A little puzzled the boy says, "OK, anything for my love"

On his return of doing his deed, he asks, "Now can I marry your daughter?"

"Nope." says the father, "See that goat over yonder? Well, Go screw it."

Again the boy obliges and returns saying, "Now can I marry your daughter?"

"Nope. Not yet -- one more thing. See that pig in the sty? Well go to it."

Once again he obliges and returns. This time the farmer is amazed at seeing this boy doing these deeds just to marry his daughter.

So the father finally tells the boy, "Now you can marry my daughter."

To which the boy replies, "SCREW YOUR DAUGHTER, HOW MUCH YOU WANT FOR THAT PIG?"

Tasty Tuesday - Chocolate 101

Mmm, we all know that rich, melt-in-the-mouth quality of good chocolate. That taste sensation comes from chocolate with a high percentage of cocoa butter. Chocolate can vary in quality, of course. Lower-quality chocolate includes other fats, which raise the product's melting point, and offer a less distinct flavor.

Use the highest-quality chocolate and cocoa you can buy. Good chocolate has a glossy sheen and a smooth taste. Here's a quick primer on different varieties and their uses:

•Unsweetened (chocolate liquor): Made with about 50 percent cocoa butter, this is pure, unadulterated chocolate. Use it in cooking and baking, but don't bother eating it straight.

•Bittersweet: Made by adding cocoa butter, sugar, and vanilla to chocolate liquor, bittersweet chocolate has a dark, rich taste. Use it in baking.

•Semisweet: This variety is made the same way as bittersweet, but with more sugar. A classic for chocolate chip cookies.

•Milk chocolate: Sweet and creamy, this chocolate is made with milk solids, which give it its light color. For some people, milk chocolate is a clear winner over dark.

•White chocolate: Because it's made with cocoa butter and not chocolate liquor, white chocolate isn't strictly chocolate. Use it in baking, but don't expect a chocolatey taste--it's sweet and mild.

Humpday Help - Is It Love?

Does your heart ache and break when they're sad??
Then it's love.

Do you cry for their pain, even when they're strong??
Then it's love.

Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts??
Then it's love.

Do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and relation pulls you close and holds you there??
Then it's love.

Do you accept their faults because they're a part of who they are??
Then it's love.

Would you give them your heart, your life, your death??
Then it's love.

Now, if love is painful, and tortures us so, why do we love? Why is it all we search for in life? This pain, this agony? Why is it all we long for?

This torture, this powerful death of self? Why?

The answer is so simple cause it's...LOVE. It is such an addictive thing that even people who are not having it wish to experience it and share it with others as well.

Friday Photo

You gotta smile with Aaron Brumfield.

Humpday Help - Romance, Scottish Style

A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stonewall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch.

For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin' ... perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."

The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed.

The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

Minutes passed, then the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh I was thinkin' ... perhaps its noo aboot time for a wee cuddle."

The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds. Then he blushed.

Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while, she again said, "Another penny for your thoughts! Angus."

"Well, uh I was thinkin' ... perhaps its aboot time you let me pewt ma hand on yer leg."

The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee.

Then he blushed.

Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch before the girl spoke again.

"Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

The young man glanced down with a furled brow. "Well, noo," he said, "My thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time."

"Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation.

"Aye," said the lad, nodding.

The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.

And he said, "Din'na ye think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?